I’m not a Pinterest mom. I love Pinterest for things like recipes, but that’s pretty much all I use it for. I’m not pinning items for my kids’ birthdays six months before they happen. (My kids have never even had a full-on birthday party. Worst mom ever.) I’m not plotting out home improvement projects, new ways to do my hair, or 27 uses for Styrofoam balls. With two toddlers at home, mainly I’m just trying to survive.
So when I am on Pinterest and I see these things, things you seem to have to go out of your way to make or need, I’m dumbfounded. Who has the time for this stuff? Even if you did have the time for it, why? Why not do something productive or enjoyable instead? Some things on Pinterest just baffle me. Maybe I’m alone in this, but I don’t think so. But you be the judge.
Behold—the Worst Crafts on Pinterest:
Cake postcard. I just don’t understand this one. Yes, that does look just like a piece of cake, but why would you send that in the mail? What does it accomplish? What is the recipient supposed to do with it? I for one would be really angry if someone went to all that effort to send me fake cake, which would just get me thinking about real cake, which I do not have and do not want to make and do want to drive to go find the good kind–which is only at that one bakery across town—but now I have to.
Fun and Games Bag. This does not look like a bag of fun to me. It’s crocheted, for one. Do you know how long that takes to do, relative to how very cheaply you can get a tic tac toe or checkers set for the car? Yes, it’s super thoughtful, but it just seems like either a colossal effort for an item that might get played with all of five minutes before one of the kids starts losing pieces or it gets ditched in favor of an iPhone or DVD.
Cat Butt Coasters. These are the worst. Not only do I never ever, ever want a cat, or anything that reminds me of a cat in my kitchen or near my food, here’s a cat butt complete with little pink butthole. TO SET MY DRINK ON. Pink eye, anyone?
How to glitter anything. A friend of mine once said that glitter is the herpes of the art world. You just can’t keep it from spreading. Even the guy who started the glitter your enemies company hated it so much he wanted out. Glitter is awful. Glittering everything you own is ridiculous and unnecessary. Unless you are age 5 or under—in which case, knock yourself out.
Mug cozies/rugs. Mug rugs are kind of like baby towels. They are cute and all, but do you really need them, much less need to make them? And as for cozies, most cups are insulated, and if it’s not, well, you’re drinking a hot beverage, which my astute reasoning tells me may be because you are cold or because it is cold outside, in which case, wouldn’t the warmth be welcomed? And it’s not going to do much to keep your drink warm anyway, since all the heat is escaping from the top.
I’m sure there’s worse stuff out there. But these are the things that keep me up at night—that and children who are scared of the dark, need a drink of water, need to use the bathroom, need a snack . . .